Being alone

Tonight I am alone... I dont know where my husband is??? Im scared, im lonely. I cant leave the couch because if I do and try to go to bed then I start to close my eyes All I see is DUB. THEN THE TEARS COME..... Then I start to hug my knee's and rock back and forth, and miss DUB.. I cant fall asleep with out him, Ive been sleeping with him for 3 years. i ASK MYSELF HOW AM i GOING TO GO ON WITH OUT HIM??? I can't be alone.... Where is my husband? I dunno he wont answer the phone, is he out drowning his pain in a bar somewhere? Is he out spending time with someone less crazy or depressing then me. I live in a daze. HAVE i BEEN LIVING IN THE TWIGHLIGHT ZONE FOR 3 YEARS. I had a son and now he's gone, a beautiful, wonderful amazing son. He was everything to me. HE LOVED ME... HE WAS THE ONLY ONE. I need him back.. Why hasn't he come to me in my dreams or given me a sign yet.. Where is he and where ever he is is there someone that is taking care of him like I would. Im in New York.. I dont know anyone. Im alone.. Weve sold everything.. I want to go home but we don't have one anymore.. I need a sign, I need to know what to do. I can't be alone..... I can't sleep and I have a little 10 month old baby who needs his mommy and Im trying soo hard but sometimes I csant help but think, HE'S NOT DUB.. He is so special in his own way. He is independant and DUB wasn't, he needed me, Jah doesn't. I need to be needed. I dont want to fail as a mother to JJ, But the truth is IM LOST. IM SAD. I DON'T WANT TO WAKE UP. I WANNA DIE SO I CAN BE WITH DUB... Where is my husband, sometimes I think he cares but im to intense for him.. What is the point of this horrible life that I live, My whole life everyone I love goes away. Im always alone. STUCK IN 4 WALLS, TRAPPED, NO WHERE TO GO... I wish there was someone who knew what to say to me, but there isn't. Everyone I talk to looks at me with eyes of pity and sadness.. Half 0f them fumble around because they don't know what to say to me or how to treat me. I am alone. noone understands, noone knows and noone can bear to put themself in my position at all because its to painful.. Ive lost my baby, My heart, My soul and hes never comming back........(so many tears) JJ will never have a big brother.. I wish he would just come to me and tell me everything is alright because im alone. I HURT, Ive been though sooo much in my life, will things ever get better for me... But nothing I do will ever bring him back....... Im ALONE... PLEASE BABY DONT LEAVE ME ALONE. ANSWER YOUR PHONE..