Monday September 1st 12:30pmToday was a very surreal day..My husband and I went for a walk to starbucks, but not the usual one we go to.When we got there we were kind of in a daze, very overwhelmed with whats been going on, missing DUB soo much, my husband had a very emotional episode yesterday and I woke up in the middle of the night talking to DUB and having, what felt like mini heart attacks. I couldn't wake up with JJ this morning because I had to take valumes to get to sleep. When I woke up at 5pm... My husband and I proceeded to go for a walk and talk.. IN STARBUCKS. we sat down at a discuting sandwich and guzzled down a Iced VENTI SOY LATTE. As we walked home, there was a little boy riding a scooter, LUCA was his name which I found out later..Him and his mom were on there way back from bloomingdales I think.. The boy was about 6 or 7 years old.. Anyways he hit a bump and SMASHED HIS FACE on the handle bars of his scooter, his teeth went through his lips and he was bleeding like crazy. My husband and I instantley knew what to do and ran to him while the mother was in shock, she had no idea what was going on, she was in SHOCK.. My Husband started to stroke his head and calm him down as I went into the salon and got a first aid kit.. My husband was like gimme gauze, and put saline one it now, so I did it.. The mother looked soo wigged out.. We told her listen we know what were doing our kid just died.. I looked her in the dyes and said trust us please.. And she did... We gauzed up his mouth, told him to hold it there, my husband flagged a cab, payed it, and sent them to CORNELL EMERGANCY.. I tool all her stuff and gave it to the salon owner, who supprisingly I know because he's done my hair before. and is a good guy. He kept all of her bags and the scooter. And my husband put them in a cab.. After that happened we felt like we did something so good. It felt so good to us to help that little boy. The way my husband stroked his head, I just stood there and watched it and it was like he was stroking DUB's head. The tenderness of my husband and the way he loves children is soo amazing I told him he should be a doctor or a paramedic, he was soooo wonderful. I left the scene of the accident with goosbumps all over my body. My husband and I have been questioning WHY?WHY? WHY? HOW COME? WHATS OUR PURPOUS HERE? this whole time. And suddenly a situation like tyhat came up and it was like... WE LIKE CHILDREN, WE LOVE CHILDREN, WE WANT TO SAVE CHILDREN. We couldn't save our own but we gave up everything to try and we did things noone would even dare doing, like get pregnant with the hope of making a match even though theres a 20% chance.. GIVING UP our entire lives for DUB, loving him sooo much that that love kept him alive longer then any doctor could belive, they called him a super human. We couldn't save him, but he saved us, he brought out the best in us, He saved us from ourselves soooo many times over and over again and he has made us into these people who are strong and unstopable. This powerhouse MOMMYDADDY force... So when I got home I called the emergancy room and told the doctor there about the boy who was comming in and what happened to him, because the mom was in such shock as I called they were comming in and she thanked me.. I was still unsettled, I hadn't been back to the area of those two hospitals since DUB died and I felt like it was important for me to go and see this little boy. So i took JJ and my mother in law and we went. My husband tried to come but the second he saw the hospital he wigged out and said he had to go home he wasn't ready to see the hospital.. So the 3 of us went. We went into the emergancy room.. (The same one I used to take DUB into everyday that sloan wouldn't take him because they didn't get their stupid wire yet. And As I walked in They were leaving. I tapped he on the shoulder and gave LUCA a little batman toy that I brought for him. He looked at me and said thank you for helping me. Then I talked to the mom TINA. She had told me she was in such ahock she wouldn't have known what to do. She would have taken him to NYU, which they would have brought him in an ambulance to cornell anyway so we saved him from some trauma. Plus They did a great job. LUCA was running around like a little champ, like DUB was... All he said was do I look funny.. As I stood there watching that little boy and his older brother and his dad, who was holding his son, like harley used to hold DUB. I got goosebumps everywhere. I talked to her for quite a while, I told her my story and she told me she was a non profit lawyer and her husband was a fundraiser for non profit organizations our worlds collided... wow, everything happens for a reason time will tell if that did. Im starting to wonder if I should become a nurse now. For oncology children of course. I thought wouldn't it be cool to have a nurse who knows what its like to be in your situation........So as my mothger in law and I walked home we decided to walk by SLOAN... We started yelling for DUB, because DUB hasn't come to us yet in any of our dreams or givin us a sign and Ive been wigging out going like honey where are you.. As we walked by sloan, we say one of the girls that works at the front desk of the 9th floor. DUB's floor.. She came over and gave us both big hugs, because she, like everyone else loved DUB and was devistated.. I told her DUB hasn't come to us and I was wondering if any parents ever come back to look for there kid, or is that wierd? She told me no... it happens all the time, I randomly asked her is DUB's room was occupied, which I thought of course it is because they fill the room instantly, its always full. And she said you know what, its empty a little boy is down in urgent care comming up now but its empty , I looked at my mother in law and said hey, do you wanna go? She was like ya.. so we went in and went up to DUB's room. We sat there, JJ woke up instantley and looked around. Tears came to our eyes and we sat there talking to DUB we said "honey if your in here come with us mommy and sammon are here and your not sick anymore, get in the stroller and lets go home... we cried and JJ kept saying HA HA HA .. it was like he felt something to it was very surreal.. I cleaned up the story for him and we did all of the rituals of DUB. My mom in law looked for anything that maybe was randeomly there laying around, but nothing.. We finally got up and I said "okay honey get in the stroller now were going home, then in a few sleeps were going to florida, which has a beach everyday, me you daddy and baby Jah Jah, so come home now no more hospital" and as we left there My mopther in law pushed the empty slroller and I carried 35lb JJ four long blocks home and we talked to DUB. I hope he was in that stroller. Even if he wasn't and he has been with us the whole time, he's just playing games like he always is. It felt good to do that because I was worried he might still be in there and now that I know he's not for sure IM Happy... I miss him so much. Everyday IS DIFFERENT. But today was special so I had to write about it.. MOMMY LOVES YOU ANGEL........xoxo Codi