Today... WHAT DAY IS IT???

I dont know where to start, I dont even know where I am or what Im doing half the time. AT night it hurts, last night at 5:30am I was laying on my marble floor in the bathroom, crying for 2 hours, wimpering, DUB WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME... I cant sleep at night. Ive realized Ive slept for 3 years snuggled and breastfeeding DUB that now I don't know how to sleep without him.. I try to pull JJ into bed with me but he's such a little scorpio that he rolls over on me. I woke up the other morning screaming, he's not DUB, he's not DUB. As I go about my days and people notice my tatoo. People ask me about him, when I talk about it they all tell me im strong, I should go on Oprah.. I dont feel strong I feel like a fucking pussy.. I can put on a straight face but im dieing inside. I feel like I died with DUB. My husband wants to go to florida tommorrow and im scared, Im scared to do anything. I felt ashamed that me and my husband went out and had fun yesterday.. Without DUB.. I want to write about other things because maybe my readers are sick of hearing about whats considered the most devistating thing in the whole world, losing a child.. How do you live on.. Would DUB be proud of me if I followed my dreams or would he want to see me mourn him.. FUCK THIS SUCKS....... Its now SEPTEMBER and im in New York city wondering who the fuck I am.. Ive been stuck in time for 3 fucking years, I don't even know who I am or where I belong. I guess I must figure this out somehow I just wish DUB could guide me... COME TO ME IN A DREAM BABY PLEASE TELL ME YOUR OK AND MOMMY WILL FEEL BETTER.....
sleeping pill is kicking in will write again tommorrow... i love you dub and miss you.. and jj you are so fucking cute thank god for you....