writers block or real life??

I havent posted anything anywhere in months.. I goess I sort of owe the people that read my writing an explination.. I don't even have time in a day to take half an hour to smell the air or enjoy a coffee.. I have went from cancer mom, to grieving mother to single mom financially supporting everyone.. The stregnth of Little JJ is the only thing that keeps me from crumbling. Im laying here feeling like ive reached my level of breaking and i grabbed my laptop, my best friend, the friend that listens to me with out trying to change the subject because the intense pain of the situations I deal with in my life are just to much for any human being to face.. I miss Dub soo much it has come to a point where I actually have a very hard time thinking about it or talking about it because I feel like someone has reached in my cheast and tore out my heart. I try my best to be a good mother to JJ. I give him whatever ounce of love I have left and have none left for myself it feels sometimes. My life has been survival for the sake of my children. I live for them. There isnt a day that goes by that the trauma of that dreaded day plays over in my head. Or the day I got my husbands last text message. I will admit I fell into a deep hole that I am trying to slowly dig my way out of.. Writing right now is a big step for me. Ive been trapped in the four walls again. Hibernating. Put myself in soldier mode, trying to mask the pain I feel so deeply by sourounding myself with anything or anyone that doesnt remind me of pain.  I feel like I am to proud to ask anyone for help. Throughout this whole journey i have isolated myself and my kids from so many things. The truth is I am ashamed to be that person that brings down the vibe with intolerable pain so I act like everything is normal when my body just wants to ball and fall apart and have someone take care of me. is this human nature? Does everyone that has endured the pain of losing their child feel this way. Do we always resort back to these four walls? Our comfort zone? our shell? Well I guess I am proud to finally say that maybe this is the first step, writing again?????