FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 26, 2008 03:23 AM, CDT
Florida
Well, all I can say is whoever is up there works in misterious ways. We left Manhatten very suddenly last week thinking Florida was not too far away. Forgetting there is about 4 states in between New York and Florida. 3 days of driving (stopping in between staying in hotels to sleep), with JJ and our cat twitch, who we had to sneak into 2 different places along the way.. We stayed in a vacation home for a few days in west palm beach, it was a gorgeous and serene little bungalo in the middle of a quiet little neighbourhood. But When the owner told us to lock our doors at night, we didn't realize until the daytime, when we were in the middle of a meth infested ghetto. So we packed up and drove to Boca Raton where we have settled into a nice little hotel on the beach, that allows pets. Fate brought us here to meet a wonderful woman named rosemary, who is in love with JJ and told us that she has a house for rent. We went to look at it and it is a cute little bungalo on a lake, it is perfect. Baby steps. We asked her why she is leaving her house and she says she cant afford it she is putting her son through law school and we were moved, so by us moving there we are helping her help her son achieve his dream, and by us moving there we are getting the serenity we need to figure out everything, be with JJ and grieve.. It feels like fate.. It took about 5 days and alot of arguing and tears to get us here. But we made it. JJ has been amazing this whole trip, he is so good, and adaptable to any situation and just soo happy that I know I am truly blessed. The pain my husband is feeling is intense and there are days I cant move I miss DUB so much. When I see JJ and his smile I know what I need to do.. Be his mom. I snuggle DUB's red blanket every night and Harley has his own too. We are going to drive to the keys in a few days and spread some more ashes. Oh yeah and our manhatten apartment 2 blocks from Sloan is on the markey and we have a few people very interested already. We will still have an apartment in New York. Just something alot more simple, because DUB will always be in "NEW CITY" and we wont leave until we find out the truth.. (I will talk more about that when it is official, the second autopsy results arent final yet). Plus hopefully I can get to a place in my mind where I can finally finish the editing of my book and have some time to shop it around. In the mean time, one moment at a time. I yearn for DUB so much right now everything I see or do or say reminds me of him and getting through that is all I can do now..... Hopefully this is the right thing, I really just need things to work out for once I dont have much more fight left.
codi




My Dearest Dub
As I stare at the ocean I think of you,
The moon is so bright and the water is blue,
The water is so beautiful it reminds me of you.
Ive never seen such a beautiful color, its the same as your eyes.
The waves are so loud that they cover my cries.
Im sure you are making them crash so my cries you cant hear,
But I hope you know that mommy is here.
You are my angel and I will love you forever.
Don't worry "mommy's comming" soon we will be together.
I LOVE YOU DUB, MY NUMBER ONE....